Icky Sickly

In case you've been wondering where Kimmie has been hiding for the past odd thirty days... Beyond doing some behind-the-scenes web-related things for the Score! website to make things, I managed to go smack from the stomach flu right into the nastiest bout of Strep throat imaginable.

When I used to hear the term Strep I thought... No big--It's a sore throat and a fever right? In fact I was certain I'd had Strep in the past. These last two weeks have brought to light a very interesting fact. No, I've never had Strep before, because I'm pretty sure I would recall being in so much pain that I couldn't even swallow my own saliva, let alone eat or sleep.

After attempting to make an appointment with my doctor I wound up going to the ER. This alone should tell you the amount of pain I was in and why I would suffer five hours of babies crying, people vomiting and one lady dealing with her mentally disturbed son, while I battled with a 104 degree fever and the chills - I walked out around the fifth hour (after having called and made an appointment at the evening clinic). I was diagnosed and given motrin and a lidocaine mouth rinse. Let me tell you, when the infection has reached your glands, there is no amount of motrin or lidocaine that is going to help. Three days of no sleep, and no food found me back into the doctor asking for pain relief. A steroid injection (let's hope I don't grow boy parts) and some Percocet was the answer this time. Two days later I'm still running at least a 100 degree fever and the pain has not subsided. Third doctor visit resulted in a first impression that I had Mono. Six tubes of blood donated, tilts (blood pressure taken while sitting, standing and lying down) and a refill on my current drugs sent me on my way.

It is now almost two weeks since the first signs of illness and the drugs are finally starting to help. I'm up every 3-4 hours for a redosing and I'm now able to eat maltomeal - that's about the extent of what I can get down. Water still tends to burn my infected tonsils. Small sips they say. Small sips.

My new mantra: Percocet is your friend!!!

Now back to my previously scheduled coma...

A Quiet Moment

Today the sky has a beautiful azure hue, punctuated by soft billowy clouds. There's a strong wind that reminds me of change--It feels like a promise. I close my eyes and let it wash over me. The sun kisses my face with soft adoration. I toss my head back in gentle response. Folding my arms--encircling myself in a protective embrace. Breathing in deeply the warm fragrant air, which hints heavily of last night's rainfall. A soft sigh escapes my lips as I think of him. "Lover..." I whisper, before inhaling his name, the corners of my mouth answer through an acquiescent smile.

Valentine Shmalentine

We begin this post with a little story. I'm standing in line at the store and I overhear this cute young girl say to her cute young friend, "I don't have anyone to buy me flowers this year". That statement alone is a wonderful expression as to why Valentine's Day stinks. While I myself did receive flowers, and I do have a date this evening (shhhh), I still firmly believe that the balance of this holiday equates to more harm than good. Yes it's nice to celebrate your lover--But honestly you should be doing that everyday anyway! Instead what the holiday does is make those people, who are currently mateless, feel "less than". And that's just bunk.

I'm Not In Love

You know how it is, you're tooling around wind up coming across a song from the past that just kinda hits you in the gut...Whether it's memories, something that's going on in your life or what not, you feel this visceral kind of shake. At least that's how I am about music. So I'm tooling around on Rick Springfield's website (Yes. Shut up!) And there is a snip of this cover of 10cc's "I'm Not in Love". It totally did it for me...

I'm not in love, so don't forget
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because I call you up
Don't get me wrong
Don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love
Oh no, It's because

I'd like to see you, but then again
It doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you, don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm in love
Oh no, It's because

I keep your picture upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me to give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love
No no, It's because

Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me
You'll wait a long time for me

I’m sitting here with the TV going in the background as I try and get some work done and a commercial for a certain web hosting company comes across the screen. I would like to know what scantily clad skanks covered in soap bubbles have to do with web hosting. And I wonder as a web designer why this web hosting company thought it was a good idea to alienate me (and many other women web designers) by creating such a commercial. I don’t expect my male counterparts to understand my irritation, not having to spend every day of their lives barraged with partial male nudity and sexual innuendo by men to sell products on TV, billboards, magazines, radio, you name it! Though I’m fairly certain, despite whatever protests, that an exact duplicate of this commercial with role reversal would have them running for any web hosting company BUT this one. I do not know how to express this without being tagged as a feminazi (which I SO am not), a prude (now that is just funny), or being told I’m making more of this than it’s worth. But you know, I’m just fed up. I’m sick of the exploitation of women to sell products. I’ve long since grown tired of the unhealthy messages thrown at young girls making them believe that sexy is a skirt short enough to show their ass cheeks and a wet t-shirt. And before I start receiving messages that I’m giving sour grapes because I’m jealous, trust me when I tell you, I have far too much self-esteem to be envious of any tart whoring herself out to further line the pockets of a boardroom full of men. Yes honey, your parents must be so proud.

And for all those men drooling over these women, you know if that was your girlfriend, or heaven forbid, your daughter up there and all of your buddies were drooling on your coffee table as she’s writing on the hood of a sports car, you’d be the first to start throwing punches and demanding an end to the display. Yeah, yeah you claim otherwise but you know it’s true.

All I can say is, those clients of mine who have accounts with this company will be making a move come renewal time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to don my super-sexy, yet very classy black high-heeled boots before heading out for a beer with my buddies.

Casting Shadows

He is a shadow.
Birthed by daylight.
Spread across the mind and heart.
He is illusive.
Drifting in unison with the dawdling time.
An apparition masking a cool grayed surface.

He vanishes with the darkness.
A memory. A whisper.
Yet sustaining light keeps its promise.
He returns with radiance
Casting shadows of his own.

Acceptable Behavior?

I've been all up in my head about this recently and the more I think on it, the more annoyed I become. I would like to know when it became socially acceptable to maul and manhandle a woman. When did sexual assault become appropriate behavior? In the span of three weeks I've had an old guy attempt to grind up on my backside through my clothes on a dance floor in Tampa, and just the other night I had not one, not two, but THREE men, with absolutely no provocation on my part, grab me and smash their lips against mine!

When having conversations with various people about this, I've received everything from analogies that compare men to dogs and women to bologna; That I should wear burlap when I go out; That most people can't handle their liquor; and my favorite -- I shouldn't go out by myself.

All jokes aside, I don’t care how drunk you are--I'm fairly certain somewhere you learned simple manners. You know this is just WRONG! Further, my choice of attire (which was not skanky I assure you) and whether or not I'm attractive and/or arrive to a bar un-escorted, should not equate to my being held responsible for the actions of some obnoxious letches, that given better reaction time on my part would all be undergoing testicle retrieval surgery at this very moment!

Someone to watch over me...

I never realized one person could produce so much snot. My head is stuffy, my ears are plugged and my lungs are wheezing. It's a beautiful site. I attempted to work out yesterday and succeded in nearly passing out on the ellipitcal and smacking myself in the head with a free weight. I was told by Dr. Ryan that I need to rest. Rest is the answer. I realize this, but I've never been much of a lay-about. So when I'm curled up on the sofa with nothing but the "Dead Like Me" DVD series and a box of Kleenex to comfort me, all I can think of is the laundry list of things that need done. And then I feel sorry for myself.

Being independent and all -- and for all intents and purposes living alone most of the time -- I'm not one to ask for help. And I'm too "grown up" to call for my mommy (and even if I did she lives three states away). But damnit! I want someone to run me a hot bath, bring me a cup of tea, deliver my meds with a glass of water and a kiss on the forehead. Someone to wrap me in a warm embrace while I fall blissfully into a cold-med-induced coma. "Someone take care of me!" she whines with a big pouty lip for effect.

Bad Idea

I love my family. So when faced with a pseudo slumber party evening of movie watching with my mom and sister, I was all for it--Despite their hacking and coughing. I figured, yeah, I'll probably wind up with this shit... Considering I was sandwiched in the middle of them on the bed... But at the time I just didn't care. Mmm hmmm, I'm currently sneezing, stuffy headed and my body aches. Yeah I'm attempting to put my butt to bed early tonight.
Goodnight world!

Mother Ocean

The pungent salty smell is the first to attack the senses, causing an immediate clearing of the mind. Breathing in deeply as the sea air expands the lungs…Exhale to expel the remnants of the city. Soft white sand creeps between toes as the music of crashing waves hints of her serenity. Gulls squawk their song in response while darting away from foamy breaks along the shore. Her mist clings to downy hair and eyelashes like morning dew on blades of grass. She wreaks havoc on my long mane, creating unruly curls while a perfume of brine covers my skin. Answering her call, I dip my feet into her wetness, her breeze tickling my soul. Walking forward submerging feet, then ankles…Shins…Knees…Thighs…Hastily I dive ahead, skimming just under the surface before rolling onto my back beyond reach of the punishing waves. Her density supports me as I float weightless over the continually swelling, saline surface. She claims me with her tender embrace, allowing me to taste of her energy, experiencing her blissful freedom.

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

Best New Year Wish

Not unlike my Best Christmas Wish (below), I got a call from my baby brother, currently stationed in Iraq. In our own loving style the conversation started like such... "Happy New Year Fugger!" "Happy New Year to you too Fugger!" Hey, he and I get the joke and that's what counts! Miss you "Vlar" be safe!

You Say You Want A Resolution...

A resolution this is NOT. I'm fairly adverse to the concept of New Years Resolutions. It's my stance that if you have to make a resolution to accomplish a goal, it's probably something you should have been doing long before the new year crept up on you--So stop making excuses, get off your tookus and get it done. Another of my reasoning…The simple act of proclamation is generally an automatic set up for failure (unless of course you plan on attending the meetings…"Hello, my name is Kimmie and I'm a blogaholic".) No, this is a simple observation brought on by another year's passage and growing yet another year older. Yeah, yeah, Happy freakin' Birthday to me.

Let me start here, with a premise that I am not one to live my life by the stars, palm reading and/or horoscopes, but I figured I might as well toss it into the mix, no? So, my horoscope indicates that "Personal priorities are important -- you've always known that. But the trick is sorting out what you want from what you need. Fortunately for you, right now you've got the instinct and insight to do just that. Figure out what's essential for you when it comes to relationships, and be flexible on the rest. Not only will that broaden your options, but paradoxically, it will ensure that your standards remain high."

What's really kind of funny here is that I've been going through this "thing"… Who are my true friends? Who can I depend on? I've had a really strange year filled with some not-particularly-wonderful-happenings. As a result, I've come to be reminded that life is too short to waste energy on false friends (not only that but heartbreak in all its forms is a S.O.B). I know this sounds like that sweet-tempered part of me, the gal that gets along with anyone and will have a conversation with a shrub if it's willing to listen, has been killed off. That’s not true. I still entertain the idea of new friends and fostering relationships; I'm just going to be more discerning. It's about quality not quantity. And enriching one another's lives. Ahhh the wonder of reciprocity!

Best Christmas Gift EVER

I just received one of the best Christmas presents EVER. A phone call from my brother in Iraq! How much do I love that the conversation started with him saying "Merry Christmas Fugger!" (In Kevin Style) -- That rocks! Almost felt like he was right here! God I miss him like you can't imagine!

Self Affirmations

She has a friendly face. Her smile brightens up a room.
Always willing to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Supportive even if she doesn’t always agree with you.
Faithful to a fault and ready to take a bullet for those she truly cares about.
She's generous and genuine. She doesn’t know how to tell a lie.
She cries when she's really happy, sad or angry, but is far from being a whiner or a crybaby. She's much tougher than she's given credit for.
Adversity only makes her stronger.
While she doesn't trust easily, if you're lucky enough to get in, you'll find her heart resting tentative on her sleeve. Break it and you'll have to work hard to get back in.
She believes in second chances but will never be your doormat.
Her biggest heartbreaks are deceit, betrayal and game playing.
You don't have to guess what's on her mind. Ask and she'll tell you.
She never makes promises she can't keep.
She lives her life for herself and those close to her, not for what the world might think.
She laughs easily (especially at dumb jokes) and her laughter is contagious.
She's the kind of person that enriches your life.
She is me.

How to make a Kimmie

Ingredients: 5 parts intelligence 1 part crazyiness 3 parts leadership

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of lovability and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

And the hits just keep on coming...

I'm not sure what it is about this time of year. I have quite a few friends that have lost loved ones around Thanksgiving. People seem to go MIA. It's cold and crappy and we're all moody. (Or is that just me and everyone I am close to). And to make things worse, my little brother, who is so much younger than me I look at him almost as a son -- the boy who calls me at least three times a week -- one of my best friends... He just left for Iraq... More worms for me please!

Love Actually

I just got done watching the film "Love Actually" again. It was on when I stopped for a lunch break. I dunno what it is about this movie that get's me... It's just such a great flick. And that little boy Sam looking up at Liam saying "Lets go get the shit kicked out of us by love!" It's just good stuff man!

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm having the fam. here for Thanksgiving... Pray I don't burn the house down (actually I'm not a bad cook, I just have a habit of setting things on fire). Anyway here is my Thanksgiving Greeting. Not sure what it is I find so amusing about this but it makes me giggle hard!

Boys are Stupid

For those of you that have had the pleasure of being in the vicinity of my person (either in the flesh, or virtually) you'll know that my latest mantra is "Boys are Stupid". Leave it to ya'll to prove my point: I rest my case.

Girly Girl My Butt!

I'm sitting on the sofa yesterday and I've got my laptop perched in front of me, all set to get some work done. I feel this tickle on my hand and I notice this little piss-ant (Technical term for those tiny little nuisance brown ants that go after sugar). I brush it off thinking... Where there is one... Yup, the suckers are feasting on my one true indulgence -- $30 per pound Godiva Milk Chocolate Raspberry Starfish, which I purchased with the intention of savoring one a day! The ants seem to agree as they've created a trail from the box, down the table leg, across the floor and under the baseboard. Needless to say I whipped up the box, which had been sitting on the coffee table for less than 48 hours, and I rushed to the sink where I began to blow the ants off each piece of chocolate, one by one, before transferring to a zip lock bag.

And the question is... Despite my dislike for insects, will I still eat the chocolate? Heck yeah!!!

I'm a Junkie

She walks through the airport lounge with a glass of wine in one hand and her laptop balanced in the other. Wireless signal strength 86%…No joy! Continually rescanning the area hoping for enough juice to simply check her mail, she quickly becomes frustrated.

61%…Crap!
46%…Damnit!
She circles back to where she began.
Check mail.
Connection lost.

"Why am I putting myself through this!?!?" She asks herself, knowing that the answer lies in her withdraws from the last three days of Internet access free living – Not by choice. She wonders how she could possibly feel so cut off from the world while having spent the last seventy-two hours running ragged through one of the most bustling cities in the world. It's official. I'm an Internet junkie. This is what happens when you force everyone in your life to become accustomed to communicating with you through email and/or IM and when you've built an online business. You become dependant and then find yourself in situations such as these...

Teetering on one foot, holding the computer high…
Oh hey I think I just got a 91%!

As the day continues...

Yeah, those zen-like moments can only last a short while before I begin contemplating the Religion of Vino!

The Religion of Coffee

The brisk morning air causes an involuntary shiver. I wrap my fingers around a tall coffee, enfolding it in my hands like a precious gift. Heat creeps through my palms and into sleepy digits while I pause, embracing the anticipation, before raising cup to mouth. Pressing eager lips to the rim, the soothing aroma awakens the sinuses as steam flutters across my skin. Gingerly sucking in the too-hot liquid, I am mindless of the slightly seared tongue. Instead, my focus remains centered on the lifeblood radiating down my throat, to my belly and stealing into my limbs with heady affection. The remainder will be consumed in an involuntary act, but for this moment, my entire being is enlightened, comforted…sustained. With this, I begin the day in a hopeful, Zen-like calm.

Walking Contradiction

Picture this if you will: A small town fair, dubbed as "Autumn Fest", complete with a Bavarian Oompah Ooompah band, local crafters, the smell of greasy funnel cakes, hot dogs, and fresh squeezed lemonade, with me...clad in shorts, multi colored floral combat boots, and a black shirt adorned with little skulls and cross bones spelling out my favorite complimentary close, "xoxo" and the words "Hugs and Kisses" underneath the design. Yeah, I blend...

Let's Play!

I'm puttering around the living room, music blaring on the stereo, when I look out the window and spot a rambunctious dog bouncing around my yard. Of course I go outside to play (inherent in my nature). Walking out the front door I notice the pup is accompanied by two equally playful, though less trusting hounds, as I crouch down to their level and begin to make a come-hither kissy noise that sends the more rowdy of the bunch lumbering towards me with the enthusiasm of a six-year old. Before I know it I'm trapped in a flurry of fur, wagging tails, wet noses and kissing tongues. I laughed, squealed and soaked in the love, giggling and clapping as they slathered me in attention, bits of dirt and a fair amount of slobber. We paused our game on occasion while I scolded the smaller, fluffy, dust mop -- not surprisingly the alpha of the bunch -- for snapping at her younger sibling's inability to control his larger, ungainly body, flopping across her in exuberant attempts to tackle me. They proceeded to romp through the yard, tearing through the thicket near the ravine, then around the house before repeating their affections on my person. This traffic pattern occurred three more times before mom whistled them home, and the three raced off, looking back at me as if to say, "Last one there's a rotten egg."

I'm Pissed

I want nothing to do with the "New INXS". Is JD talented? Yes. Does he have rock star qualities? Yes. Is he right for INXS? No. Will they be doing a Rock Star INXS 2006? More than likely.

JD should be perusing a solo career. He has his own ideas and visions and I don't see him as a team player. I see a strong case of LSD (Lead Singer Disease) in his future (hints of which were more than visible during the course of the show). Marty on the other hand, when put side by side with Michael Hutchence, is the most fitting candidate to fill those shoes in my honest opinion. He has vision, he has drive, he has talent and he's only going to continue to grow as an artist. If that boy doesn't become a huge star I'll eat my hat.

And MiG...What can you say about MiG? That guy is so damn talented I can't even believe it! It's obvious that his "niceness" was a hurdle that the band couldn't get past. Which is a shame. MiG too will meet with great success.

I want all those hours of my life back that I wasted watching this atrocity. If not for the gifts of Marty (his song "Trees"), MiG, Suzy, and Jordis I think I'd find a way to sue the network for damages. That is all...

Dynamite

Okay I came across this today while needing a good laugh and it was the perfect prescription. If you're a fan of Napoleon Dynamite (or even if you're not) go check out these commercials for the Utah State Fair (http://www.utah-state-fair.com/ --see the menu on the left for Napoleon's Sweet Ads) And here is a taste: Pedro's Song

You Know Your A Geek When...

You find this both entertaining AND exciting: (http://www.asciipr0n.com/archive/0013/bonnie/craft/).

You know you're a geek when you actually dig out an old floppy and use it make your own Starship Enterprise replica.

Looking Back...

Would anyone have ever imagined, oh say, fifteen years ago, that you'd be able to turn on the television in the middle of the afternoon and see a Megadeath video? --In the same rotation with 38 Special no less? If you sit around thinking about this stuff hard enough it'll send you stupid though. So...back to work with me, sitting on the sofa with VH1 Classics in the background, my sickly mac laptop (screen being propped up by a lovely bamboo tea scented candle because the hinges are snapped off of the monitor -- anyone know where I can find a cheap 15" titanium case, I'd be forever indebted) and sipping on some homemade lemonade. There are many reasons I don't have a traditional job. This is just one fine example. Cube farms be damned!

No REALLY!

Am I EVER going to get rid of this cough? I mean honest to crap. We're talking just shy of two months here kids. I'm starting to think I have TB or something. I'm taking my meds. I've spent the better part of the last, what, two weeks, as a dope head. While the nice glow that covers my world is lovely, there are times when I do like to be coherent. Times when I need to be capable of a normal thought processes. This whole "tree pretty" mentality is great, but I've got work to do, things to accomplish, and have you TRIED dealing with scripts when you're giggling at tilde (~) marks because they look silly? For real!

Spoof This!

There's nothing quite like figuring out that someone is spoofing one of your email addresses to send spam. The only thing that tops it is to find out that they're a titty site out of Moscow and there probably isn't a damn thing I can do about it legally. What sucks for them is I'm a geek and was able to find all of their information in which to plan my retaliatory attack. Mess with MY email will you... MUAHAHAHA!!!

Me? Evasive?

Those of you who know me, know I'm a stickler about giving out my personal information. Hell, I've even had a friend dub me as "Miss Evasive". My last name cannot be found on any document on line. My address is top secret but to those I've come to trust. You do not get my email address unless I'm sure you're not a stalker. And I'm practiced at the art of question avoidance. You get the idea. Maybe I take it to extremes, but a gal's gotta be careful. And then I come across something like this...PLEASE be sure to click on the Social Security Card link.

http://www.angelfire.com/jazz/antonybrosnan/

Bud...Wi....Zerr

So I'm going to let my dog out last night, and as I open the garage door, in hops this cute-as-hell toad. I'm freaking out because... well come on... he needs to be outside, not in my kitchen!!! So I try to catch him. I'm on my hands and knees chasing after this sucker on my kitchen floor hoping it doesn't make a break for under the stove or the fridge. I finally grab him and he jumps out of my hands onto the counter top. I'm squeeling... "No no... get back here", as I grab it again. He's kicking at me for all he's worth and I'm talking to him like he understands--"I'm sorry little toadie, but you can't be in here!" I finally get him outside and set him on the ground and yes, of course, HE PEED on my HAND. Nice! And I submit to you: How can ANYONE call me a girlie girl?

Don't Deny Thine Self

I just bought myself a gift... For no reason other than I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! Credit card bill be damned!

It's a Guinness ring bayyybeee! Made from an actual can!  YES!!!

Insight

I'm an angel...

With clip on wings.

I'm Inspired...

I just watched this fabulous documentary conducted by Roseanna Arquette called Searching for Debra Winger. The gist of the documentary, at the heart of it, is Roseanna's own personal search to understand being a woman who is "growing up" and/or "becoming mature" in the world of acting. What makes some actresses decide to hang up their hats, what type of fallacies are there, rivalries, expectations both of self and by the media/public, those things that are inflicted upon women--especially those behind the camera (must stay thin, look young, no bags, no wrinkles...), how to react to these expectations, sisterhood, heroes, accepting oneself, and simply put, a bunch of incredible women discussing the ups and downs of being creative women.

I Was Robbed!

So I took this 80s test (Thanks C!) - And while I scored pretty high, and even got some bonus questions... I think that the grading was a little strict on the following don't you? (They were fill in the blanks)

My Answer: "Make you wonder how the [other] half [die]."
Right Answer: "Make you wonder how the [better] half [die]"
Nevermind it is "Makes" not "Make" but i'm not bitter!

My Answer: "Don't [trun] [around]" (yeah typo!)
Right Answer: "Don't [turn] [around]"

My Answer: "And the full moon that hangs over these [dreams] in the [myst].
Right Answer "And the full moon that hangs over these [dreams] in the [mist].
COME ON! You say tomato...

My Answer: "When I see [your smile], I can face the world".
Right Answer: "When I see [you smile], I can face the world".
Okay, getting a little TECHNICAL aren't we?

My Answer: "And I know I'm right cuz I [heard] it in the night."
Right Answer: "And I know I'm right cuz I [hear] it in the night."
My answer is actually grammaticaly correct...

My Answer: "By order of the [prophets] we ban that boogie sound."
Right Answer: "By order of the [prophet] we ban that boogie sound."
Are you SERIOUS?

Heh heh.. I got 147 points though... That was fun! WE...ARE..THE 80s!

A True Compliment

My little brother (I say little because he's ten years younger than me) was here visiting over Fourth of July weekend. We were having an off-handed discussion about relationships and that type of hooey. After his vehement "I'm never getting married" I jokingly commented, "Oh face it, you just can't find a woman as WONDERFUL as your sister." He looked at me with all the seriousness of a train wreck and said, "You're not kidding. If I could find another woman in this world like you, I'd marry her in a second." WOW! I guess my brother thinks I'm pretty great! Who knew?!?!

Damn Yankee

Living in "The South" is wonderful. The weather of course being the main benefit. If you're not a fan of the snow, you can escape it all together if you move as far as Florida. If you like a little snow, you can try the climes of North Carolina or maybe Virginia. Having lived in all three locals, I can certainly tell you that the laid back atmosphere and the beautifully blooming flowers and trees (not to mention the beaches) are supreme.

Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad. We've got bigger bugs. And just last month I saw a bull frog that could eat my dog as a snack. But one of the main drawbacks would have to be the, shall I say lazy, attitude? Now I'm as laid back as the next guy (or gal) and I'm all about taking it easy. But being a native of Cleveland (or the burbs thereof), I have what has been described to me by previous southern employers as "the Midwestern work ethic". Essentially what that means is we work hard, we work quickly and are genuinely pleased over a job well done. Southerners on the other hand, as a whole, move slower than Mississippi mud and, as I sit here waiting for my noon appointment to show up (at 1:45 p.m.) I'm reminded that they have no concept of "a schedule".

Meanwhile, Darryl and Darryl are behind me, attempting to fix my kitchen sink, which I recently discovered, was lacking in hot water. I'm more than mildly amused as I listen to them fumble their way through the repair as the foreman announces in a thick southern drawl, "Your killing me!" to his fellow employee, who responds by mimicking the sentiment.

Return of the Fly

Sometimes I feel like a flying insect too stupid to realize that the glass will stay glass no matter how hard I keep throwing myself into it, hoping I'll get through to the other side.

Girls Will Be Boys...

I have always been somewhat of a tomboy. My older brother was my best friend growing up and keeping me clean was something my mom gave up on in the early years. So the following story should come as no surprise:

I went to check on the status of my home (i.e. make sure the builders are not screwing shit up) and to drop off a ceiling fan on my way out of town, heading up to my grandmother's funeral (yeah it's been a rough week). For the first time since groundbreaking, the doors were locked. I figured I'd try the back door and also a window. It was pouring down rain and the yard was a big muck hole, but I felt safe enough in my Lands End hiking boots. What I didn't expect was to take a step towards the window and find myself sunk to my knees in a concoction of quicksand mud that seemed to want to hold me captive. Thankfully I was close enough to the deck to grab hold and hoist myself out. Unfortunately the water had not been turned on yet so I coudln't try to rinse myself off, so I decided to find some puddles to jump around in (which were equally muddy) Good thing I had a suitcase full of clothes so that I could change into new pants and shoes (hey those boots kept my feet clean and dry so I didn't have to change socks!) - A 10 hours drive covered in wet sandy mud would've sucked tremendously.

The Year of My Birth

I was going through some old paperwork this morning and I came across this card I got for my Birthday last year (December for those of you wanting to send me prezzies). Based on my personality and values, I think some of this is pretty funny, odd and also interesting:

In the news: Neil Armstrong walks on the moon; Bernadette Devlin (21 year old female w00t w00t!) is elected to British Parliament; Smothers Brothers show is canceled, labeled "too controversial" (pah-lease!); The Saturday Evening Post folds; Woodstock Festival is held (drugs, music, partying and mud...); Pantsuits become acceptable for everyday wear by women (This, I admittedly found surprising!); Senator Kennedy's car plunges off a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island killing passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne. Large anit-war demonstrations take place.

New to the market: Penthouse founded by Robert Cuccione (Isn't this the first skank porn?); Boeing 747 makes its first flight. The concord makes its maiden voyage (I love airplanes); Yale, Bowdoin and Colgate colleges (pooh-pooh) admit women (w00t w00t!); Arthur Michell establishes the Dance Theater of Harlem.

Value of a Dollar: $189.95 would buy you a stereo (For real!); Eggs were 61 cents a dozen (I grew up eating eggs and soldiers - if you don't know what that is you missed out!); Kodak Instamatic Cameras were $35.00 (I remember those!); and you could buy a car for (US average) $2,280 (holy crap... now TVs go for as much as cars did then!).

Awards: Midnight Cowboy gets Best Picture; Best Actor: John Wayne for True Grit; Best Actress: Maggie Smith for The Prime of Miss Jeane Brodie and 5th Dimension gets the Grammy for Aquarius (That song is synonymous with hippie!).

Music: Rolling Stones release Gimme Shelter. Other Popular musical groups were Led Zeppelin and Crosby, Stills, and Nash. Born to be Wild and Come Together are musical hits. Portnoy's Complaint, The Godfather, The Last of the Red Hot Lovers, The Andromeda Strain and Slaughterhouse-Five are published (Andromeda Strain was crazy stuff!); Easy Rider; Hello Dolly; Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and Hitchcock's Topaz are showing at the cinema. Broadway's Oh Calcutta! shocks audiences with its frontal nudity (w00t w00t!); Coco, Starring Kathrine Hepburn is on Broadway. Star Trek is off the air after a 3-year run (I admit it, I'm a bit of a trekkie. Though TNG and Patrick Stewart rock my world!); Rembrandt's Self-Portrait sells for $2,256,000 at Christie's In London (This makes me wanna start painting again!).

THE END

I'm a Bad Girl...

So I went to see the movie Crash last night. Very intense movie. For those of you that have seen this sucker you know its one of those thing that both surprises and inflames. One of the ladies I was sitting next to during the show is really freaked out by racism (and rightly so) so between the two of us there were quite a few... "Oh my GAWDs", gasps and other such, along with a few quick side comments. This of course resulted in me getting chastised by some stuffy man sitting a few rows back who actually got up out of his seat, walked up to us and said rather sternly "Ladies, do you think you can save the conversation for after the show?" I put on the right amount of contrition and apologized and was quiet for the rest of the show.

Please realize I'm not one to talk through a movie and we weren't being incessant about it, but I suppose I too would have been irritated by my behavior. But, as I said, this movie tends to inflame.

This is what I get for attending a show at a swanky theater that serves wine and cushions your ass with leather seats. Umm hmmm...

Am I THIS big of a geek?

The actors who play Padme Amadala, Darth Sedius and Obi Wan are going to be at a local store this month for a meet and gree and I'm contemplating going... Holy crap... I AM a geek!

RETURN OF THE SCREEN SAVERS

This freaking rocks! 

HABITcky writes "Leo Laporte, Patrick Norton, Kevin Rose, and Robert Heron have gotten together and recorded their first podcast of The Return Of The Screen Savers (ROTSS) It's a 56kbps MP3Pro file weighing in at around 14MB. Join them for 34 minutes of Skyping fun as they discuss driving in the dust, cell phones, Kevin's new webcast, Systm, and the demise of TechTV. They plan to make this a weekly broadcast."

Society and Fear

I was driving down this windy country road yesterday after having looked at the progress of my new home. It was starting to get a little late and storm clouds were moving in, so there was an eerie feeling in the air. I'm buzzing along at a high speed when I notice this man on the side of the road. I slow a bit, wondering what his deal is, when I notice him flailing his arms as I almost zoom past. I slammed on the brakes, realizing he was trying to flag me down.

A lot of things run through your mind in these types of situations. The first of course... do I stop? Obviously I did. The second thing I did was press the door lock as the man approached, then I kindly lowered the passenger window. I remember feeling crappy that I had to lock the doors. I'm a trusting person by nature but let's face it. I'm not stupid!

I could tell by looking at him that something wasn't quite right. He seemed very upset and he uttered the words "I'm deaf" as he presented me with a handwritten note.

This is the part where I realize I can never tell this story to my mom or she'll never sleep at night expecting that at any moment my trusting nature was going to result in a phone call that I've wound up dead in the proverbial ditch.

The note tells me that he's deaf and his father is in the hospital and he doesn't have enough money for gas to get up to the hospital. It kindly asks if he could borrow $15.00 and that he would pay me back tomorrow. And you know what? For some reason, I believed him. I motioned for him to hold on a moment as I reached for my purse (which of course was an invitation for any criminal to grab it and run - he kept his distance). I felt like crap that all I had in my wallet was a dollar bill but I hand it to him as I said "this is all I have", shaking my head from side to side and hoping he understood. He shook his head in acknowledgment and I drove off.

I'm left with a few feelings. 1) Our society is so un-tusting! 2) Why didn't he just ask me for a ride? 3) What would I have done if he did? and 4) Why do I feel like shit that all I had was a dollar?

On a lighter note...

I'm walking through the parking lot of Best Buy the other day, minding my own business. As I'm heading towards my car this other car stopped to let me walk passed and this dude leans out his window and gives me a "Hey GIRL!"...

What is that? I mean...I appreciate the implied compliment and all, but what do you suppose his response would have been if I replied with "Hey BOY!" - Mind you there was a nice... appreciative "wooo-oooohhhh" as I continued to walk on pretending as if I didn't hear--Because sometimes, honestly, it's best just to move on.

BAD idea... REALLY BAD...

Don't EVER decide to change your domain name, webhost, email host, and
the entire look of your website all at the same time. And toss in a
curve ball of having the deadline bumped up for various reasons
(including but not limited to the looming expiration date of the email
account and early server switch, to name a few) and you've got a recipe
for complete and utter HELL.

THIS is SO Cool!

Pilfered from slashdot: Bunny writes "The City of Dayton, Ohio announced a plan to make all of downtown a WiFi hotspot - and as of last week, the network is live. This makes Dayton the first Ohio city to offer free WiFi access. Approximately one square mile of downtown is now live, including Fifth Third Field, the Oregon District, Webster Station and RiverScape. The WiFi project is a public/private partnership not funded by taxpayers, and comes at no charge to the end user." (According to the linked story at WHIO-TV, the city is actually paying about $5,000 per year, with advertisers picking up the rest of the tab.)

The Benefits of Walking

So I was on my daily walk - it's an exercise thing - and I was most of the way home, attempting to beat the rain clouds, when I passed by a man mowing his lawn. I didn't really pay a lot of attention to him, earbuds with ipod blaring a radio show into my ears and all. I happened to notice him as he looked at me, stopped what he was doing and just started, mower still running in his hands. He then let go of the handle (which turned the mower off) and signaled that I should pull out the earbud, which I did. "Hi!" he says. "I thought it was going to be nice today!" "Yeah..." I replied. "Dunno what happened. I was going to mow my lawn today too..." I fibbed slightly (I NEED to mow my lawn and I had considered it breifly but never fully committed). "Oh! You need some help with that?" He asks. How sweet, I thought, and smiled brightly "No thanks, I'm going to wait for a dry sunny day." I reached for the earbud and started to walk away and he began to mow again. As I made my way around the cul-du-sac he signals to me again, at which I repeat the process of removing my ear bud and pausing my show. "My name is EJ by the way, what's yours?" "I'm Kim. Nice to meet you EJ." I said. "Let me know if you need any help with that lawn. I'm right here." I chuckled and replied "Thank you!" and continued on my walk.

It's 76 and Sunny...

...And there isn't a cloud in the sky... Beautiful blue as far as the eye can see. It's officially SPRING!

When I was a teenager, still living at home with the parental units, I remember this time of year vividly... you'd hear Bill's charger zooming up the street (where otherwise it would be parked safely away in his garage only going out when forced to do so). The neighbor kids would emerge to scream, yell and run around the yards. Friends would come visiting. -- I hear the car and run to the window... is he stopping here? Oh yay! He is! - I tear downstairs pausing at the door to run my fingers through my hair before calmly walking outside with a smile. "Hey! how you been?" Not long after Shelly would come up from down the street... Oh hey, here's Brady and Tim and Jim... Before you know it, the gang's all here.

What IS it about weather like this makes you wanna go outside and play!

Influencing Friends

While I stopped just short of B&E (Breaking and Entering) I did partake
in a little trespassing while inspecting a potential new home yesterday
(at least it appeared potential from the newspaper AD - not so much
after seeing the place in person). I wandered into the very spacious
back yard of what could certainly be a beautiful home, had it not been
so poorly taken care of by the previous owners (and the current new
owners - termites). I also found myself wandering around on a yard that
had some woods - and decided I needed to see where the lot ended (I bear
the thorn scraped hands to prove it). Since this time I have found
myself schooled on the proper care and maintenance of septic systems
(you'd think having grown up in Brunswick freaking Ohio I'd know about
these mechanical wonders but as my luck would have it -not so much).

Beyond the new education and certain habits of Miss Cristy that I've
recently taken up, I also found out that its really hard to find a home
that you'd like to increase in value when your hood could potentially be
inhabited by Jethro The Squater who resides in a literal -- and quite
rusty -- tractor trailer which he's upgraded, complete with kitchen and
living area. The jury is still out as to whether he's got running hot
and cold water, though I'm pretty sure the answer is an unequivocal
"No". Good NIGHT!! North Carolina is weird. There's one thing to be
said about Brunswick - at least its all broken down into neighborhoods
and you know where to expect the trailers and riff raff to pop up.

NO WAY

First Doctor Who is going to be coming out (I wonder what the tardis is going to look like!!!), then I read about Wallace and Gromit making it to the big screen, and now there is this:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon has signed the dotted line to do Wonder Woman the movie! How cool is that. Regardless of whether or not you dug BTVS, Joss Whedon is an AWESOME writer and he's probably one of the only ones I'd trust to do this properly.  Check out the deets at www.themovieinsider.com

Crackin' Good Toast Gromit

I'm SO excited about this - of course my strange British humor tends to prevail at times - but if you've never checked out Wallace & Gromit, you must do so!

For those of you that are already fans - Courtesy Slashdot: blamanj writes "Aardman Studios have release the first peek (Quicktime) at the new Wallace & Gromit film, Curse of the Wererabbit. Currently scheduled for an October release, the slightly-less-than dynamic duo will be putting their talents to work chasing a were-rabbit that threatens the town's vegetables. Ralph Fiennes and Helena Bonham Carter supply lead vocals. Character creator Nick Park co-directs his story."

And the link: http://www.dreamworks.com/trailers/wg/specials/wg_makingof_qt_352.mov

It's Cristy's Fault!

Okay so Cristy posted this cool website on her blog -- It tells you what songs were
number one on any given day of the year. I searched my birthday and it
totally freaked me out...

The number one song on the American
Charts was "Rain Drops Keep Fallin' on my Head" by B.J. Thomas - What is
freaky about this is, that was my favorite song when I was a kid (that
and "Tie a Yellow Ribbon"). So what, did I hear this thing on the way
home from the hospital after being born and it stuck with me? Thats wild.
WILD MAN!

Beeping Televisions

Okay, maybe I don't understand how things work. Or maybe I do... Maybe I should hold this idea to myself and see if I can patent it or somehow come up with the machinery to do it myself and make millions... but alas I don't have the means or the time so I'm going to have to give this idea away for free...

I was watching George Lopez' stand up comedy act the other night and I was really irritated at the constant censorship beeps. So it got me to wondering...Why can't someone come up with a feature on televisions that will beep out curse words? Something that parents can enable and can even add or remove words as they see fit. I dunno, maybe they don't like the phrase "poopy head" -- they can add it to the blocked word list. This way, the rest of us can watch a show without the irritating and disruptive bleeps while those who have small children (who probably shouldn't have this show playing in the first place) can turn on the bad word blocker. Then we're all happy! I dunno, just a thought.

I'm Broke!

Okay so I solved the little "fire" problem I had. While I could have certainly tried splicing and electrical tape on the offending cable, the spot where the cord was frayed and where the fire took place was actually deep into the connector. Granted I did try! Only I didn't like the lovely zapping sound that was still emitting from beneath the electrical tape and really didn't feel like "testing" this on my Mac so I chucked it across the room and resigned myself to the fact that I not only needed to purchase a new one at 80.00 but get the sucker here as fast as possible (fed ex overnight at another 14.00)... This on the cusp of paying over 400.00 in vet bills for my dog and 170.00 in new contact lenses for myself. And we don't want to talk about how sad my tax return is this year. But I wanna know, who did I piss off and why are the computer gnomes freaked out at me that they're causing me so much grief. Is it in the moon, stars, air... Am I the only one experiencing all these weird computer/electronic related problems? Oh and let me finish with this - I hopped into bed last night and put in the second disc of the last season of Angel and my portable DVD player went black on me. I had to jiggle the cord to get it to come back on. Can we all see where this is going to wind up???

It's Getting Hot In Here

So I was working on my computer from the comfy recliner when I
noticed I was running low on battery power. So, like any normal person,
I came back in to my office to plug in my laptop and give it some
juice. At this point I noticed the cable was really warm and an odd
look came over my face as it began to spark! Doing the smart thing I
reached down to unplug it from the powerstrip as I witnessed it
literally catch fire... yes there were flames! MMMhmmmmm... it caught
fire!!! Once unplugged I blew the fire out and enjoyed the lovely
stench of electrical burning and then pondered how I was going to finish my work when I have a dead battery and no means
of recharging.

Guess I'm getting that 80.00 replacement cable a little sooner than I
thought.

Good gravy!!! Can you believe that???

DYNO-MITE

Okay if you haven't seen this film yet (Napoleon Dynamite) you've GOT to! And make sure you watch it realizing it's totally stupidly genius! And after you watch it once, watch it again. You'll enjoy it more the second time. Be sure to check out the film short on the features too. Why? Because it's good! GOSH!

I SWEAR I didn't plan this!

You're a Pint of Guinness!


What Type of Alcoholic Beverage Are You?
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My New Code - I AM a dork!

if (thirsty = bad_beer) {
goto = guinness();
} else {
not.so.brilliant;
}
end

Advances

The other day I was out and about in my small town and walking into a shop when I had this guy walk up to me and start asking me all kinds of questions about my Mini Cooper. "Does it handle well?" he asks. "Like a charm." I reply. "Is it good on gas?" he questions further. "Yeah very good, but for the fact that it requires premium fuel." was my response. "How much it cost?" and I rattle off the figure. "It's a pretty color" he says with a smile, "matches your eyes." Yes... truly... (Note: It is important to point out that my car is dark green (not red or yellow)).

Computer Geek


What Kind of Geek Are You?
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I Want My TECH TV

Some of you faithful readers are also fellow nerds. That's what I love about you kids. You know that I have dreams about Steve Jobs, that I think no one tops Patrick Norton in a utilikilt, that I pay homage to Yoshi and his modding abilities and I would run away with Leo Laporte in a minute (if he were not otherwise entangled of course).

So when I found out that Mr. Leo has a podcast, I danced a little jig in my jammies. Hey, I've been working 24/7 on computers and sites these days that I hardly have time to get dressed and shower! So what was my point? Oh yeah - Leo Laporte and his podcast...I was so excited to find this thing!!! I feel back in touch with the old world of TechTV before it became--well, to coin a phrase from my five year old niece who picked up on my brother's foul language--a SUCK FEST! You can tune into Leo and his wonderful words of computer wisdom. Hear his fun jokes and listen in as he interviews Patrick, Yoshi and other equally interesting folks. It's just a whole lot a joy tickling 'round your geeky spots! So check it out. More info on Leo and his world can be found at www.Leoville.com and for all the gory deets about Siren Rebellion see: www.scorerocks.com/radio.html.

Who Is Cheap Trick

I won't mention his name, even though I feel that not having a working knowledge of the band Cheap Trick should cause one to suffer public humliation, I'll be nice. How is it possible that someone can sing the praises of Sting and Phil Collins but confess to having no idea who Cheap Trick is?? I start to belt out a few lines of "Dream Police" and "I Want You To Want Me" and he stares at me blankly. Is it his youth? No, it can't be, as we said, he's a fan of Sting and old Phil Collins/Genesis... Someone needs to explain this to me! Until that time I've strapped him to the chair and pressed play on the CD player and contemplated slipping in the new DVD... Sheese Louise!!!

Geek Haiku - Awesome!

A sad story line
your webpage just went offline
Error 404

Proof that Bikers are Respectful

Cristy and I have always said that we feel safer in a room full of bikers, or at the local biker bar than we do in a room fool of seemingly "normal" men. The fact of the matter is... I have never once been pawed, groped, grabbed, pinched, hooted at or otherwise by a Biker. I have never been shown anything but the utmost respect.

Case in point: I was at a club recently (which will remain nameless because the place does not deserve even the slightest of free pimpage) that housed a wide variety of characters. There were your normal every day joes, your yuppies, your rednecks, your token metal head and yes, even a handful of bikers. The music was as varied, a few country songs followed by some old school rock, rounded out with some new rock... Anyway, I, along with my party-mates for the evening, walked into this packed club. We made our way towards the back area and this rather nice biker, in a fairly grand gesture, put out his arm and moved a few folks out of the way so that we could get by. This happened again later with a different biker. Not long after these random acts of kindness, I was standing shoulder to shoulder at the bar attempting to get a drink from the otherwise occupied bartender (too busy dancing to do her job) when this "normal guy" decided to start petting my back. At first I didn't even notice and then he increased his advances and move his hand around to my waist at which point I pivoted on my heel and gave him a death glare to which he responded appropriately -- stepping back with hands in the air. Moments later he began to pull on the length of my hair with his forefinger and thumb and he received a similar glare, causing him to move on to my friend. Later, I was dancing next to a rather aged biker who apparently (I found out later) was appreciative of my dancing, but never once did he make an untoward advance or lewd gesture. Now that my friends is class, and that is why I feel safer in a group of bikers!!! The end!

Heebie Jeebies

I woke up this morning and begin my daily ritual (brush teeth, comb hair, wash face). I was drying my face on the towel hanging next to me, and as I stepped back I immediately noticed something crawling across said towel. Let me first point out that the creature calling my towel "home" had to be big enough for me to see without my glasses (read: I can't see a thing without them). This rather large, brown, furry spider, which was now scurrying for its life - was quickly deposited into the toilet and flushed (sorry buddy, under different circumstances you might have been spared) and my towel was tossed into the dirty clothes hamper--I dunno maybe I thought I was going to get spider cooties or something. It's now going on 2:00 p.m. and my skin is STILL crawling. That's just not a cool way to start your day!

I GOT MY MINI

No, I'm not talking about a new skirt, or a feminine hygiene product. I'm talking about my new car! My British Racing Green Metallic Mini Cooper. Those of you that know me, know I've loved this car from afar for quite a long time. When they came out with the new ones it pushed any thoughts of a VW convertible right out the window. And you don't even want to know how much digging I had to do to find one that had everything I wanted on it. As it was, I was totally into getting a red one with white bonnet stripes, but none of them had the prerequisite Black leather interior, Dual Panel Sun roof, Harman Kardon CD/Stereo, 5 Star Silver Alloy Rims, chrome accents, sport package, etc. So I located one in Alabama that had everything but for the bonnet stripes and it was green. I thought about it for a while, contemplated getting it painted, and then by the time I ordered I had fallen in love with the green. (See, sometimes these things work this way for a reason). Waiting for it to be delivered was a form of torture. I got the call yesterday, while I was busy cleaning out the garage (to make room of course) and picked it up last night. Thus ends my update... I gotta go drive!

Today's UA Index is Down
I've started this new rating scale regarding the unwanted attention us gals tend to receive when we would generally rather be left alone. An example would be, while we're out walking, getting exercise with the added benefit of trying to clear our heads of whatever might be troubling us. (In other words, a time in which we certainly don't find the cat calls and thought interrupting horn beeps endearing.)

Yesterdays UA index was fairly high with four honks and a holler --which we attempted to combat with one obscene finger gesture. Thankfully the caution was slightly dropped today with a dip in the UA to 2/1 (That's two honks and one holler). Great day to get out there and enjoy, ladies.

I curse every day that I have to walk on a busy street to get some exercise. I also look forward to the day when the entire construction crew down the street finishes those freaking condos!

Door to Door Kirbys?

Did you know that they still sell vacuums door-to-door? I had no idea! I was a little stunned when this obviously tired and overworked woman showed up at my door at 9:00 at night telling me she'd get paid to show me some cleaning techniques. Having spent most of the evening preparing to take delivery of my furniture and belongings at my new residence, and probably looking like it -- I was in need of a break and, wanting to help the lady out I figured... Let her do her schpiel and get paid. Why not right? I told her off the bat that I wasn't buying anything so hey, I'm not obligated!

Next thing I know she and her supervisor are dragging in this huge box and assembling a Kirby. (Mind you these things are like the best vacuums EVER.) So she did a demo (cleaning a bunch of stuff in my house, including my mattress so I'm not complaining) and the supervisor would pop in here and there to see how she was doing. Near the end of the demonstration the supervisor decided to take over (I thought she was doing a pretty good job so not sure why he dove in) and once finished attempted to sell me the product. I refused and refused, and said I'd consider, despite his attempts at the hard sell. By now it's after 11 and I see them to the door. The supervisor starts to thank me for my time of course, and for allowing them to come in so late. He then proceeds to turn towards me, says "I just have to give you a hug", and pulls me into this firm embrace. I was completely taken off guard! Once they left it occurred to me... That was completely inappropriate!

No really?!?! Sure, all salesmen hug their prospective clients goodbye! Ah-hem...

I fell off a curb...

That was the response I gave my doctor while he inspected my severely pained wrist and hand. "I wish I could say it happened in a glorious manner, but in actuality, I fell... off a curb." He paused, most likely to hold back the laughter, and said "Well, was it at least a spectacular fall?" "Yes, yes it was!" I replied. "And most importantly," he said, "did anyone see you?" "Oh yes! I fell right in front of a trucker who I'm pretty sure got a good laugh at the flurry of flailing legs and hair." "I'm sorry" he says "that's the worst part of it." "Well, I thought, the least he could have done was to stop and see if I was okay!" "Not around here" he quipped (apparently guys are rude in Charlottesville). For my troubles I wound up at the ER for 2 hours waiting to get x-rays only to find out that it was just severely sprained.

How Much For That Lady On The Lawnchair?

On my way out of a local department store I decided to make a quick telephone call. Instead of getting behind the wheel and distracting myself (don't you hate drivers that do that?), I made myself somewhat comfortable on a patio furniture display to make my call. As I started to dial the number, an unassuming gentlemen pushing a cart full of purchases paused long enough to ask - "Are you included in the price of the set?" "Excuse me," I replied, to which he gleefully repeated himself. I smiled back politely and tossed him a friendly "No, I'm sorry..." to which he responded "Oh, because I was going to run right back in for that bargain." After he was long gone I contemplated it and thought... Well hell yeah, I better be worth more than 499 bucks!!!

Give The Man His Beer

My Grandfather was admitted into the hospital on Easter Sunday. We're not quite sure why he collapsed - it could be a number of things from something serious, to a reaction from his medications. So they're testing him and trying to find out what's goign on--Meanwhile, they've told him that he's not allowed to drink anymore. Not suprisingly, he's refused.

Looking back, I can't remember a time when Grampa didn't have a beer in his hand. Family photographs are smattered with him clad in his "beer can" hat holding a 12oz of anything from P.O.C. (Pride of Cleveland beer), to Old Millwater or Beast. And he's always smelled like a mixture of aftershave, alcohol and hops, a combination that would smell less than sweet on another. He's outlived WWII, prostate cancer and bad lungs (yeah he won't quit smoking either), and has had a wonderfully full life. So why begrudge the man his two beers a day (or so he says) - how else is he to survive my commonly-dysfunctional family?

Kimmie the Klutz

Imagine this if you will...

Kimmie was doing her power walk, on the same path that she walks on... day in and out. On this occasion she was gabbing with her friend about proper walking procedure.

Suzie: "You have to walk with your butt, not your knees."
Kimmie: "I do! I am! Look at my butt! Look at my butt!!!" she yells over her shoulder, taking her eyes off the path just long enough to ensure that she'll catch the side of the asphalt, causing her ankle to roll outward and bring her right shin scraping down on the jagged edge of the walk. Now it should be noted that there is approximately a four inch drop in the asphalt at various parts of the path since "the association" (aka "the man") built up the path which Kimmie believes is the direct result of this, her third fall on the path. Kimmie now sports a 3x8 inch area along her shin, marked with almost immediate bruising. We love scabs. Scabs are great!!! They cause you to opt for cargo pants in place of that cute skirt on the first warm day of the year! Damn it!!!

Thought for the Day

It takes years to build up trust,
and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

Going on Record

I want to go on record and state that my love of all things Seuss has developed over many years. My affinity towards The Grinch started long before "the new Grinch" and I became enamored with The Cat way before Mike Meyers strapped on a tail.

Ted Geisel (his real name) is not only a childhood hero of mine, but the adult-child can still recite every word of "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" and such gems as "I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful 100 percent". Seuss had a way of writing that was intriguing for children, but allowed for a certain amount of mischievousness and attitude that an adult cannot help but appreciate. And while I am thrilled that I can now purchase more Seuss related items to add to my collection of seussiphenalia (many of them sadly bearing the "official movie merchandise" seal) I'm torn between the blatant commercialism, (not to mention green and white Cat hat's emblazoned with pot leaves -- but we won't go there). The New Cat hawking cleaning products in a recent television commercial??  

It makes me lose sleep at night! 

I tell you, it's just not right!

Looking at herself but wishing she was someone else
Because the body of the doll it don't look like hers at all
So she straps it on, she sucks it in, she throws it up, and gives a grin
Laughing at herself because she knows she ain't that at all
All caught up in the trends
Well the truth began to bend
And the next thing you know man
There just ain't no truth left at all
--Jack Johnson from Posters

It's Just Wrong

What the hell! I dunno, maybe it's me, and my life-long love affair (in my own mind) with Rod Stewart... but it's kind of like this... There are a few artists that you just shouldn't cover. One of them is The Beatles. Another would be The Stones. Same with The Beach Boys (do I need to remind you of David Lee Roth's version of "California Girls"? Catchy? Yes. Wrong? Also yes.) And of course Rod. The only excusable Rod song to cover would be "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" cuz that song is just LAME (even if I did love it when I was a kid), because I think that you can only improve on it. Then again, it was bad enough the first time around; I'd rather not relive it. Anyway... So Sheryl Crow decided to remake one of my all time favorite's "The First Cut Is The Deepest". And again I say... It's just wrong!

Kimmie's new favorite pick up line

"Hey, if you're feeling salty, I'm your tequila!"

So I'm sitting here this morning, trying to will myself awake and determine what type of mood I'm going to be in today, and I decide to check my mail (which could have been a big mistake, and a good way to ensure a crabby mood). But I was greeted with the following link, and now I know that my day is destined for greatness... and I have this sudden urge to go to a gay bar...
http://www.rathergood.com/gaybar/

Gooooo Browns!

Joey Porter: "Couch is running touch downs now?"

If you didn't get that, you weren't watching. But I'll leave you with this...

"The Browns jumped out to an early lead protected it with a swarming defense en route to gaining a 33-13 victory over the Steelers. Tim Couch threw two touchdown passes and ran for another as the Browns ended a six-game losing streak against the Steelers and improved to 2-3 on the season.
Couch threw touchdown passes to Andre’ Davis and Kevin Johnson in the first half as the Browns built a 23-10 halftime lead. Daylon McCutcheon’s 75-yard interception return for a touchdown in the third quarter was the dagger for Pittsburgh, who dropped to 2-3."

Who was that team? Where did they come from? Can we keep them? - So long as we don't get cocky, this was a GREAT shot in the arm!

What's With This Epilstop Schtuff?

Am I the only one that can't seem to use depilatories properly? I'm not sure WHAT my issue is, but I swear these things do NOT work on me. And they certainly don't wipe off super nice and clean like on those cruddy info-mercials. Sure, like I'm supposed to believe that guy gets the crud spread on his leg and poof... the hair has disappeared in mere seconds. Yeah right!

So, there's me balancing precariously on the side of the tub with this gunk slathered all over my legs, afraid to move. Ten minutes feels like an eternity when your bored to tears staring at the ring in your tub and realizing that any attempt to be productive by cleaning will result in your accidentally rubbing your legs together thus removing a good portion of the hair dissolving lotion. Yet I still wind up with what looks akin to male pattern baldness and still find myself razor in hand at the end of the process!

And as for their "Pleasant cucumber and melon scent". Yack... Horrible!!! No matter how you try and mask it, it still smells like a bad home perm! Again... beauty is pain!

I'm Sorry, You Must Have The Wrong Number

So I'm puttering around my office the other day, minding my own business, when my cell phone rings. This is the phone I generally receive calls on and I use for business purposes so it could have been just about anyone calling - though most of my friends/family/business associates know better than to call me too early because I can be rather unpleasantin the morning. But I walk over, notice that the number is blocked, figure it might be my younger brother, and I answer it:

Kimmie: "Hello?"
Caller: "Good morning gorgeous"
Kimmie: "Good morning?"
Caller: "How are you doing?"
Kimmie: "Okayyy? Who IS this?"
Caller: "You don't know who this is?"
Kimmie: "Well, I thought it was going to be my brother, but apparantly not. So, no. Who is this?" (laughing)
Caller: "Who do you know that's 6'2", weighs [whatever weight] and is hung 11 inches?"
Kimmie: (laughing hard) "No one!!!"
Caller: "You don't know anyone like that?"
Kimmie: (still laughing) "No, I really don't!"
Caller: "This is Nick, the stripper."
Kimmie: "Um, who are you trying to call?"
Caller: "Oh man, did I just make an ass out of myself?" (He scrambles to get the number, reads it off to me and finds it's off one digit"
Kimmie: "Well apparantly you have the wrong number".
Caller: "I'm sorry, I was trying to call my X girlfriend that I ran into recently."

All We Are Is Dust In The Wind.... Dude!

No one, but no one should ever be forced to listen to "Dust In The Wind" when they're feeling weepy. --That's just depressing!!!

Try this instead...

I burn, burn like a wicker cabinet
Chalk white and oh so frail
I see our time has gotten stale
The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall
I hear words and clips and phrases
I think sick like ginger ale
My stomach turns and I exhale

So callus where my mind states
But it's not my state of mind
I'm not as ugly sad as you
Or am I origami
Fold it up and just pretend
Demented as the motives in your head

I alone am the one you don't know
You need to keep for your ego
Make me blind when your eyes close
Sink when you get close
Tie me to the bedpost
I alone am the one you don't know
You need you don't you need me
Make me blind when your eyes close
Tie me to the bedpost

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rind
But the lack thereof
Would leave me empty inside
Swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothin' but faith in nothing
Wanna put my tender
Heart in a blender
Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous, then I'm through
Now I'm through with you
Through with you
Rendezvous then I'm through with you

from Eve 6's "Beautiful Oblivion"

"Unwell" – Matchbox 20

All day, staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night, hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on. Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

(Chorus)
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be... me

Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper and it makes me think
There must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking somehow I've lost my mind

(Chorus)

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah they're taking me away

(Chorus)

Yeah how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
I'm just a little unwell

From The "Oh Good God" Department

Did I really witness Mariah Carey doing a remake of "Bringing On The Heartbreak"? No, I mean for real!?!?

That on the heels of the Ataris' version of "Boys of Summer", which I still haven't fully recovered from.

Make it stoooopppp!

Miss Graceful

I started doing Pilates work outs yesterday.

Here's the thing... apparantly you're supposed to have some sort of sense of balance for this stuff!?!? All I can say is I'm glad that its a DVD work out done in the privacy of my own home and not in the presence of actual humans. Though my dog has taken to keeping a safe distance... Like upstairs or under the kitchen table -- Sometimes I swear I can hear her laughing at me!

The good news is it gets easier with each session... just as the screaming muscle pain sets in.

I receive a friendly reminder... "Beauty is Pain".

"I'd rather be missing you then wishing you were gone."
-- C. Shivers

I'd rather be on fire than see you smile!
(Saw this on a t-shirt and it made me smile.)

It hardly seems worth it baby.
To late in asking why.
He juggled his honesty with two balls and an alibi.
-Jellyfish

I feel "old"!

A 20 year old hit on me
He told me I was “hot!” I told him he was “cute and reminded me of my little brother.”
“Ouch!” he responded.
“I’m sorry!” I replied, “But it’s true!”
He continued after I made the appropriate parallel to Mrs. Robison.
Of course he is probably too young to understand the pop culture reference.
So maybe it’s not that I feel old, but I simply have nothing in common with 20 year olds?
Right...
Exactly...
Now I REALLY I feel old!

If only I could take solace in the idea that 20 year olds still find me attractive?????

Spam of the week:
Subject line: "Lets do it in my double wide trailer".
Come on! That's funny!

I was greeted this morning with a photo of my best friends bruised "tookus" as she called it.

And I think to myself... what a wonderful world!

You Know You're Really A Geek When...

I had a dream the other night that I was hanging out with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak and they were teaching me this new high speed programming language that was going to revolutionize the computer industry.

Hey, you have your heroes and I have mine!

I think I’ll refrain from describing the dream I had where all I could see was the screen of my computer monitor and billions of lines of html code that I was apparently typing out…

Link Of The Week: http://www.woz.org/.

Question and Answer With Kimmie:

Q: If you could die and come back as anyone you wanted, who would you be?

A: "I'd be Bill Gates. But I'd be a woman. And I'd use my powers for good instead of evil."

Go figure! After I posted my "Whats with all this elective surgery" rant I received two different spam emails in both my personal and business accounts, with the heading "Size DOES matter".

Dang, it's no wonder men are inscure about this! It's the same media campaign that made all women believe they're supposed to have the shape of a young boy and breasts the size of watermelons!

Kimmie's Top 5 Christmas Songs:
1. I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas (Shirley Temple -- I think?)
2. Christmas is a Time to Say I Love You (Billy Squire or SR-71 - both versions rock!)
3. Santa Claus is Pagan Too (Emerald Rose)
4. Christmas Time is Near (The Chipmunks)
5. Santa Baby (Madonna)

So i woke up on Friday morning and flipped on the news, as I often do while sipping a hot cup of proper British tea. The weatherman was rambling on about snowfall up in the northern part of the state (for those unaware, I'm trapped in Arkansas and have been for the past 3 years). Being a Northeast Ohio native, I'm no stranger to snowfall. Once you've lived through lake-effect snow you are an official expert on foul winter weather. As this guy rambled on about how the snow wasn't sticking to the roads he mentions that everyone should stay tuned for the school closings (which numbered 15). I sat there with my mouth open as I pondered... "How do you close 15 schools when the snow isn't even sticking to the ground". Welcome to the South!