Going on Record

I want to go on record and state that my love of all things Seuss has developed over many years. My affinity towards The Grinch started long before "the new Grinch" and I became enamored with The Cat way before Mike Meyers strapped on a tail.

Ted Geisel (his real name) is not only a childhood hero of mine, but the adult-child can still recite every word of "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" and such gems as "I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful 100 percent". Seuss had a way of writing that was intriguing for children, but allowed for a certain amount of mischievousness and attitude that an adult cannot help but appreciate. And while I am thrilled that I can now purchase more Seuss related items to add to my collection of seussiphenalia (many of them sadly bearing the "official movie merchandise" seal) I'm torn between the blatant commercialism, (not to mention green and white Cat hat's emblazoned with pot leaves -- but we won't go there). The New Cat hawking cleaning products in a recent television commercial??  

It makes me lose sleep at night! 

I tell you, it's just not right!

Looking at herself but wishing she was someone else
Because the body of the doll it don't look like hers at all
So she straps it on, she sucks it in, she throws it up, and gives a grin
Laughing at herself because she knows she ain't that at all
All caught up in the trends
Well the truth began to bend
And the next thing you know man
There just ain't no truth left at all
--Jack Johnson from Posters

It's Just Wrong

What the hell! I dunno, maybe it's me, and my life-long love affair (in my own mind) with Rod Stewart... but it's kind of like this... There are a few artists that you just shouldn't cover. One of them is The Beatles. Another would be The Stones. Same with The Beach Boys (do I need to remind you of David Lee Roth's version of "California Girls"? Catchy? Yes. Wrong? Also yes.) And of course Rod. The only excusable Rod song to cover would be "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" cuz that song is just LAME (even if I did love it when I was a kid), because I think that you can only improve on it. Then again, it was bad enough the first time around; I'd rather not relive it. Anyway... So Sheryl Crow decided to remake one of my all time favorite's "The First Cut Is The Deepest". And again I say... It's just wrong!

Kimmie's new favorite pick up line

"Hey, if you're feeling salty, I'm your tequila!"

So I'm sitting here this morning, trying to will myself awake and determine what type of mood I'm going to be in today, and I decide to check my mail (which could have been a big mistake, and a good way to ensure a crabby mood). But I was greeted with the following link, and now I know that my day is destined for greatness... and I have this sudden urge to go to a gay bar...
http://www.rathergood.com/gaybar/

Gooooo Browns!

Joey Porter: "Couch is running touch downs now?"

If you didn't get that, you weren't watching. But I'll leave you with this...

"The Browns jumped out to an early lead protected it with a swarming defense en route to gaining a 33-13 victory over the Steelers. Tim Couch threw two touchdown passes and ran for another as the Browns ended a six-game losing streak against the Steelers and improved to 2-3 on the season.
Couch threw touchdown passes to Andre’ Davis and Kevin Johnson in the first half as the Browns built a 23-10 halftime lead. Daylon McCutcheon’s 75-yard interception return for a touchdown in the third quarter was the dagger for Pittsburgh, who dropped to 2-3."

Who was that team? Where did they come from? Can we keep them? - So long as we don't get cocky, this was a GREAT shot in the arm!

What's With This Epilstop Schtuff?

Am I the only one that can't seem to use depilatories properly? I'm not sure WHAT my issue is, but I swear these things do NOT work on me. And they certainly don't wipe off super nice and clean like on those cruddy info-mercials. Sure, like I'm supposed to believe that guy gets the crud spread on his leg and poof... the hair has disappeared in mere seconds. Yeah right!

So, there's me balancing precariously on the side of the tub with this gunk slathered all over my legs, afraid to move. Ten minutes feels like an eternity when your bored to tears staring at the ring in your tub and realizing that any attempt to be productive by cleaning will result in your accidentally rubbing your legs together thus removing a good portion of the hair dissolving lotion. Yet I still wind up with what looks akin to male pattern baldness and still find myself razor in hand at the end of the process!

And as for their "Pleasant cucumber and melon scent". Yack... Horrible!!! No matter how you try and mask it, it still smells like a bad home perm! Again... beauty is pain!

I'm Sorry, You Must Have The Wrong Number

So I'm puttering around my office the other day, minding my own business, when my cell phone rings. This is the phone I generally receive calls on and I use for business purposes so it could have been just about anyone calling - though most of my friends/family/business associates know better than to call me too early because I can be rather unpleasantin the morning. But I walk over, notice that the number is blocked, figure it might be my younger brother, and I answer it:

Kimmie: "Hello?"
Caller: "Good morning gorgeous"
Kimmie: "Good morning?"
Caller: "How are you doing?"
Kimmie: "Okayyy? Who IS this?"
Caller: "You don't know who this is?"
Kimmie: "Well, I thought it was going to be my brother, but apparantly not. So, no. Who is this?" (laughing)
Caller: "Who do you know that's 6'2", weighs [whatever weight] and is hung 11 inches?"
Kimmie: (laughing hard) "No one!!!"
Caller: "You don't know anyone like that?"
Kimmie: (still laughing) "No, I really don't!"
Caller: "This is Nick, the stripper."
Kimmie: "Um, who are you trying to call?"
Caller: "Oh man, did I just make an ass out of myself?" (He scrambles to get the number, reads it off to me and finds it's off one digit"
Kimmie: "Well apparantly you have the wrong number".
Caller: "I'm sorry, I was trying to call my X girlfriend that I ran into recently."

All We Are Is Dust In The Wind.... Dude!

No one, but no one should ever be forced to listen to "Dust In The Wind" when they're feeling weepy. --That's just depressing!!!

Try this instead...

I burn, burn like a wicker cabinet
Chalk white and oh so frail
I see our time has gotten stale
The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall
I hear words and clips and phrases
I think sick like ginger ale
My stomach turns and I exhale

So callus where my mind states
But it's not my state of mind
I'm not as ugly sad as you
Or am I origami
Fold it up and just pretend
Demented as the motives in your head

I alone am the one you don't know
You need to keep for your ego
Make me blind when your eyes close
Sink when you get close
Tie me to the bedpost
I alone am the one you don't know
You need you don't you need me
Make me blind when your eyes close
Tie me to the bedpost

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rind
But the lack thereof
Would leave me empty inside
Swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothin' but faith in nothing
Wanna put my tender
Heart in a blender
Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous, then I'm through
Now I'm through with you
Through with you
Rendezvous then I'm through with you

from Eve 6's "Beautiful Oblivion"

"Unwell" – Matchbox 20

All day, staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night, hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on. Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

(Chorus)
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be... me

Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper and it makes me think
There must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking somehow I've lost my mind

(Chorus)

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah they're taking me away

(Chorus)

Yeah how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
I'm just a little unwell

From The "Oh Good God" Department

Did I really witness Mariah Carey doing a remake of "Bringing On The Heartbreak"? No, I mean for real!?!?

That on the heels of the Ataris' version of "Boys of Summer", which I still haven't fully recovered from.

Make it stoooopppp!

Miss Graceful

I started doing Pilates work outs yesterday.

Here's the thing... apparantly you're supposed to have some sort of sense of balance for this stuff!?!? All I can say is I'm glad that its a DVD work out done in the privacy of my own home and not in the presence of actual humans. Though my dog has taken to keeping a safe distance... Like upstairs or under the kitchen table -- Sometimes I swear I can hear her laughing at me!

The good news is it gets easier with each session... just as the screaming muscle pain sets in.

I receive a friendly reminder... "Beauty is Pain".

"I'd rather be missing you then wishing you were gone."
-- C. Shivers

I'd rather be on fire than see you smile!
(Saw this on a t-shirt and it made me smile.)

It hardly seems worth it baby.
To late in asking why.
He juggled his honesty with two balls and an alibi.
-Jellyfish

I feel "old"!

A 20 year old hit on me
He told me I was “hot!” I told him he was “cute and reminded me of my little brother.”
“Ouch!” he responded.
“I’m sorry!” I replied, “But it’s true!”
He continued after I made the appropriate parallel to Mrs. Robison.
Of course he is probably too young to understand the pop culture reference.
So maybe it’s not that I feel old, but I simply have nothing in common with 20 year olds?
Right...
Exactly...
Now I REALLY I feel old!

If only I could take solace in the idea that 20 year olds still find me attractive?????

Spam of the week:
Subject line: "Lets do it in my double wide trailer".
Come on! That's funny!

I was greeted this morning with a photo of my best friends bruised "tookus" as she called it.

And I think to myself... what a wonderful world!

You Know You're Really A Geek When...

I had a dream the other night that I was hanging out with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak and they were teaching me this new high speed programming language that was going to revolutionize the computer industry.

Hey, you have your heroes and I have mine!

I think I’ll refrain from describing the dream I had where all I could see was the screen of my computer monitor and billions of lines of html code that I was apparently typing out…

Link Of The Week: http://www.woz.org/.

Question and Answer With Kimmie:

Q: If you could die and come back as anyone you wanted, who would you be?

A: "I'd be Bill Gates. But I'd be a woman. And I'd use my powers for good instead of evil."

Go figure! After I posted my "Whats with all this elective surgery" rant I received two different spam emails in both my personal and business accounts, with the heading "Size DOES matter".

Dang, it's no wonder men are inscure about this! It's the same media campaign that made all women believe they're supposed to have the shape of a young boy and breasts the size of watermelons!