What's With This Epilstop Schtuff?

Am I the only one that can't seem to use depilatories properly? I'm not sure WHAT my issue is, but I swear these things do NOT work on me. And they certainly don't wipe off super nice and clean like on those cruddy info-mercials. Sure, like I'm supposed to believe that guy gets the crud spread on his leg and poof... the hair has disappeared in mere seconds. Yeah right!

So, there's me balancing precariously on the side of the tub with this gunk slathered all over my legs, afraid to move. Ten minutes feels like an eternity when your bored to tears staring at the ring in your tub and realizing that any attempt to be productive by cleaning will result in your accidentally rubbing your legs together thus removing a good portion of the hair dissolving lotion. Yet I still wind up with what looks akin to male pattern baldness and still find myself razor in hand at the end of the process!

And as for their "Pleasant cucumber and melon scent". Yack... Horrible!!! No matter how you try and mask it, it still smells like a bad home perm! Again... beauty is pain!

I'm Sorry, You Must Have The Wrong Number

So I'm puttering around my office the other day, minding my own business, when my cell phone rings. This is the phone I generally receive calls on and I use for business purposes so it could have been just about anyone calling - though most of my friends/family/business associates know better than to call me too early because I can be rather unpleasantin the morning. But I walk over, notice that the number is blocked, figure it might be my younger brother, and I answer it:

Kimmie: "Hello?"
Caller: "Good morning gorgeous"
Kimmie: "Good morning?"
Caller: "How are you doing?"
Kimmie: "Okayyy? Who IS this?"
Caller: "You don't know who this is?"
Kimmie: "Well, I thought it was going to be my brother, but apparantly not. So, no. Who is this?" (laughing)
Caller: "Who do you know that's 6'2", weighs [whatever weight] and is hung 11 inches?"
Kimmie: (laughing hard) "No one!!!"
Caller: "You don't know anyone like that?"
Kimmie: (still laughing) "No, I really don't!"
Caller: "This is Nick, the stripper."
Kimmie: "Um, who are you trying to call?"
Caller: "Oh man, did I just make an ass out of myself?" (He scrambles to get the number, reads it off to me and finds it's off one digit"
Kimmie: "Well apparantly you have the wrong number".
Caller: "I'm sorry, I was trying to call my X girlfriend that I ran into recently."