I was driving down this windy country road yesterday after having looked at the progress of my new home. It was starting to get a little late and storm clouds were moving in, so there was an eerie feeling in the air. I'm buzzing along at a high speed when I notice this man on the side of the road. I slow a bit, wondering what his deal is, when I notice him flailing his arms as I almost zoom past. I slammed on the brakes, realizing he was trying to flag me down.
A lot of things run through your mind in these types of situations. The first of course... do I stop? Obviously I did. The second thing I did was press the door lock as the man approached, then I kindly lowered the passenger window. I remember feeling crappy that I had to lock the doors. I'm a trusting person by nature but let's face it. I'm not stupid!
I could tell by looking at him that something wasn't quite right. He seemed very upset and he uttered the words "I'm deaf" as he presented me with a handwritten note.
This is the part where I realize I can never tell this story to my mom or she'll never sleep at night expecting that at any moment my trusting nature was going to result in a phone call that I've wound up dead in the proverbial ditch.
The note tells me that he's deaf and his father is in the hospital and he doesn't have enough money for gas to get up to the hospital. It kindly asks if he could borrow $15.00 and that he would pay me back tomorrow. And you know what? For some reason, I believed him. I motioned for him to hold on a moment as I reached for my purse (which of course was an invitation for any criminal to grab it and run - he kept his distance). I felt like crap that all I had in my wallet was a dollar bill but I hand it to him as I said "this is all I have", shaking my head from side to side and hoping he understood. He shook his head in acknowledgment and I drove off.
I'm left with a few feelings. 1) Our society is so un-tusting! 2) Why didn't he just ask me for a ride? 3) What would I have done if he did? and 4) Why do I feel like shit that all I had was a dollar?
3 comments:
1. Be grateful he didn't ask you for a ride.
2. You feel like shit cuz, like me, you WANT to help people and you WANT to believe it when they say they're in need.
(and as a sidenote, 3. Men have a much easier time dismissing incidents like this cuz they're raised to be much more self-centered. Women are raised to be 'nice' and 'look out for others')
In my prior neighborhood, I had a man come to my front door - let me repeat that for you - MY FRONT DOOR - while I was eating dinner, tell some sob story and ask for money. My dinner companion (an exception to point 3 above) was actually going to comply. This left me the the distinct pleasure of being the bitch and getting the guy the hell off my porch, a process made much more complicated because of the prior promise made. I was so distraught that I neglected the rest of my meal and I ended up on the phone with Keri, crying.
Don't blame yourself for being ambivalent, blame all the assholes out there who prey on the generosity of good people, making us all distrustful in the first place.
serg: Well, the nearest gas station is quite a hike on foot. Of course that might have been where he was walking. I can't say for sure if he lived right there or what. I honestly don't know. It's also kind of odd that, well... why not just ask for cab fare, cuz I mean by the time you walk up to get the gas you've gotta walk back. Hell I dunno... I am baffled. I'd like to believe that he was telling the truth and I didn't give a buck to a pan handler. Ack I dunno... But what really bugs me is. I'm the type of person that will stop. Which means I'm a candidate to get my ass murdered on the side of the road! lol
Cristy: You're right! I did want to believe that he was telling me the truth. They're is no more awful feeling than that of being made a fool of. And I DO remember the man coming to your door. That was CRAZY.
But thank you for putting it in perspective. Because at this point I AM actually angry. I hate that we have to live life "afraid" that someone might ask for our help and be lying. Or worse, we might wind up raped, murdered or both. And I hate feeling like I should be the one to change who I am, and be more cautious because there are dangerous and awful people out there walking our streets. It's just not fair damnit!!! :)
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