Oh High Oh

My cousin forwarded this me this and I thought I'd share:

A guy from Ohio dies and goes to Hell. He had been a horrible man all his life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it even worse, he cranks up the temperature and humidity.

After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Ohioan is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says "I don't understand this! I've turned the heat way up, it's
humid and you're crushing rocks. Why are you so happy?" The Ohioan, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Cleveland . Hot, humid and a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Ohioan's remarks. He then decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential winds. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing in his eyes, the Ohioan is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.

Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such awful conditions. The Ohioan, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It's just like April in Cleveland. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

Now the devil is completely baffled. He is more determined than ever to make the Ohioan suffer. He then makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly, Hell is blanketed in ten feet of snow and ice.

Confident that this will finally make the Ohioan unhappy, he checks in on him again. He is again aghast at what he sees! The Ohioan is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in utter glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know it's 40 below zero?" screams the devil. Jumping up and down the Ohioan throws a snowball at the devil and yells "Hell is frozen over!! This means the Browns won the Super Bowl!! The Browns won the Super Bowl!!"

Missing Sonny

It's going on 5 a.m. and I have been up with my girl, Kelsey for about a half an hour. Her timing sucks considering I woke up at 2:30 and only began to fall asleep when she decided to start whimpering to go outside. But I smiled at her as she barked by her food dish in anticipation for her midnight (Or in this case, early morning) snack. She's officially old and her clock is off. She has to go out more than usual and that means some inconveniences for me, but I can't get upset with her. I'm cherishing every moment I have with her. So, my MO -- While Kelsey wanders around with a full belly making herself tired again, I sit at my computer and catch up on work or whatever outstanding email I have in my inbox.

Tonight (or now this morning) I was looking for a particular piece of clip art for our monthly newsletter (Due pretty much now.) when I came across a photo of Sonny. Sonny is our family dog, adopted by my mom not long after Kelsey came into my life (Which was 14 years ago). Sadly, we lost Sonny (aka Frupe-a-roon, Froopdy, and Sun-Bun) about two weeks ago. He was as much a part of the family as any of my siblings. Loved and pampered to the point of being spoiled, but still very much adored and obviously very missed. It's hard not to get choked up when looking at this face and remembering how he'd paw at you while making this funny little cuh-cuh-cuh noise when he wanted to play.



It's amazing how these little buggers worm their way into your heart and how hard it is to let them go or even imagine life without them. Mom swears she'll never adopt another - that she can't go through the loss. I tend to think differently. Faced with Kelsey's old age I know that I could never replace her anymore than we could replace Sonny. But it's not about replacement is it. It's about opening your heart to the unconditional love of an animal and giving as much to them as they give to you in return. For me, life without an animal would be incomplete, much like making a decision not to have a permanent human mate. For some that's a fitting choice. For me it's a lonely existence. I realize it's hard to get passed the pain, and believe me I'm still dealing with the loss of Sonny in my own way. Tears still fall frequently and probably always will when I think about him. But none of that overpowers the cherished memories and the experience of that reciprocal love.

Sirius-ly Not

After long contemplation, I've decided to nix Sirus radio. Much of the content I've found while at first blush was "different", the repetitive nature left the same-old-radio-format feeling in my mouth. I want variety! There are enough artists out there, with enough different songs that you don't have to play the same artists and the same songs over and over again. Further, the fact that you want to charge me 13.00 (or more) a month when you're giving large bonuses to morons like Howard Stern tells me that you really don't need my business. I may consider trying XM in the future, but honestly, based on what I see on my DirecTV, it has the same repetitive, pick the hits from whatever artist nature and I just don't think it's worth the money. So goodbye Sirus. Maybe if you're lucky I'll renew for a month here and there if I'm going to take a long trip and wish to have more channels to flip through than standard radio (Flipping and not finding anything substantial to listen to is the problem however).

Few Days in Review

Got a flat tire, shelled out close to $400.00 for new tires. Found out my co-pay on my medication is now $22.00 and I’ll be paying $22 per month. I realized I'm late at getting cards out to my Grandfather and Niece for their birthdays. The dog peed her bed last night and woke me up at 5:30 a.m. And now I have a sore throat and stuffy nose. And it’s only Tuesday!!!

It's a magic number...

I've been on this kick lately that involves listening/watching the old School House Rock videos. I bought the all-inclusive DVD some years ago and also the "modern" rock artists CD. So for about a month now I've been cranking out "Three is a Magic Number", "Interplanet Janet", "Little Twelve Toes" and "Lolly Lolly Lolly Get your Adverbs Here". So imagine my surprise...I was in Old Navy today (Yeah, yeah, I'll give them a shout out since I got a scarf and a knit shirt for a total of six bucks!)...And guess what I heard on their piped in music? "Three is a Magic Number" (The original version). How cool is that?

Oh and I also went out and bought myself some Madlibs (Remember those?) I'm torturing all of my friends and loved ones! "Gimmie and adjective!" (Singing... "So I pulled out my adjectives...")

Happy New Year!

I made a New Year's resolution many years ago to not make New Year's resolutions. Those of you that know me (Or have been around long enough.) Will have already heard my theory on this, which is pretty much as follows: If you have to make a New Year's Resolution, it's something you should have been doing a long time ago so get off your tookus and do it. Don't use New Year's as an excuse. All that does is set you up for failure. You're much more prone to use the Cleveland Browns Super Bowl Theory (Ahhh crap, maybe next year!) (I love the Browns so I'm allowed to say that!)

This "better myself", "better my situation" - It's something you should be thinking about year-round. I know that New Year's has that effect on people, you reflect on the past year and the things you accomplished, and then you find yourself looking to the things you didn't accomplish--And this is a good thing (Provided it doesn't send you into a swirling abyss of depression.) There's nothing wrong with reflecting and refocusing, but don't use New Year's as your reason for doing anything. Take the pressure off and just do it. (Or don't think about it and live in your happy oblivious world... Whatever works for you!) Life is hard enough!

Sirius Radio...Am I Serious?

Santa was good to me and brought along a Sirius radio. Why did I choose Sirius you ask? Well I can assure you it was NOT because of Howard Stern! After much research I found that Sirius has quite a bit more music channels. You do the math.

Right now I've got it set up in the plug and play environment. Which means that I'm using my FM Tuner on my radio to dial in. Not the BEST option or the best reception but considering the other options require more parts, more installation and more money (Despite the fact that I'd install it myself.) I decided I would give it the trial run and be sure that I actually like the thing before going through all the trouble.

Here is my delimma. I was never a big radio person to begin with. This is why it's taken me so long to get the thing in the first place. I'm also not a big channel flipper (Unless I'm the passanger.)--Which is why I was never big into listening to the radio in the car. I always found it so much easier to just pop in a CD or plug in my iPod. So I'm going to have to find a station or two that I really like to make it worth my while. I was honestly hoping for more indie music, and it seems as if there is only one station that plays this. And it's indie/college at that. Which means that there is some indie and a bunch of what you'd consider "college radio music". I dig the "1st Wave" station which is old 80s new wave. And it was cool to hear all the old MTV VJs on the all 80s station... I dunno I'm still debating!

Highway Robbery

With a little help, I finally figured out what was going on with my car door. (About a year ago it stopped opening from the inside, causing me to have to roll down the window to let myself out of the driver side). The culprit is this little white plastic clip that holds the bowden cable in a stationary position, while still allowing it to do it's job -- open the door. I looked on line to no avail and finally had to call a dealer out in my old stomping grounds of Mentor, Ohio. The part was 12.00 and shipping was 10.00... $22.00 for a 1/2 inch piece of freaking plastic. Ridiculous! Unfortunately any attempts at rigging were unsuccessful and I had to break down and order the part.

'Tis the Dang Season

Around 4 o'clock this morning a trip to the kitchen for a glass of water led to a startling discovery. The Christmas tree had fallen over.

You’re joking right?
Nope.
Tell me this is a joke!
Nope.
It's kinda funny if you think about it! Christmas stories for the kids and grandkids...
Tell me this is a joke...
Nope.

Broken bulbs (Along with the majority of my favorite ornaments.) littered the floor. Bits and pieces of poor teddy (A Christmas cookie ornament I had made long long ago.) were found from the living room far into the kitchen. The area rug was speckled with a glittery array of tiny shards of red, gold and silver bulbs. Wrapped presents--because I was trying to stay far ahead of the game—lay crushed under the tree, some of them having grown soggy from the absorption of water that spilled out from the tree stand.

How the hell?

The glass was swept, the tree set right, and the soggy gifts laid out in such a fashion as to hopefully allow them to dry. "Awww this will eventually be funny... It'll make a great memory..." I'm told.

I’m planning on going to the store to get some more bulbs today – though some would tell me to quit while I’m ahead I’ve decided that this tree will not beat me. You can blow lights, you can topple over, give me your worst. You WILL sit pretty in my living room until at least December 26th damn it! (Makes a mental note to ensure that the alarm system is set up to dial the fire department in the event of fire).

Tis the season to be jolly?

And I Thought *I* had Problems!

So I go to take Kelsey in for her blood test to figure out what is going on with her Lysodren levels so we can stop the Thorazine shuffle she's been doing. While waiting for her to be admitted (Yeah this place is like a human clinic I swear!) one of the receptionists decided to impart this little bit of information on me:

"We have a dog in the back that was brought in because he chewed off his penis."
A look of shock quickly appeared on my face. Or more like a look of complete horror. "Are you serious?!" I exclaimed.
"Yes," she said. "The doctor said he's either going to have to do a sex change or put the dog down."
I felt my eyes go *blink* *blink* *blink*
"Wow! That's crazy".

The more I thought about this the more it made me wonder.
What exactly would cause an animal to do this?
Gender confusion?
Is this proof that creatures are born gay in the animal kingdom?
Obviously they're not giving the thing hormone replacement therapy or anything, they won't be constructing a vagina. But will they change the dog's name from Brutus to Babs?

And hey, Isaac Mizrahi has created some damned adorable doggie gowns available at Target! (If they’re into that kind of thing).

Here's the Culprit!

This is Katie, or as I like to refer to her - Katiekins. She's the guilty party previously discussed. How can you get mad at a face like this?

I'm not a photographer, but there was just something really cool in the lighting and the color of the shades against the white of Katie that I thought was really cool and caused me to grab my camera. Enjoy!

When Good Pets Go Bad

It's been a hectic couple of days. Hell, the last week and a half has kicked my arse. So I finally got to the point where I was going to take some "me time". I figured a few extra minutes in the tub today wouldn't be out of line right?

But first, lets step back a moment. Last evening I noticed that Katie (my foster dog of sorts) was overly preoccupied with the corner of my office--So much so that she was beginning to pull up the carpet. I found it half amusing, but considering it's new carpet and all, I yelled at her to cease. Continued reprimands were the order of business for the remainder of the evening, so I decided when leaving the office, the best course of action would be to shut the door. Miss Katie, who happens to be my friend's dog for which I am sitting, but I love as my own, rewarded me this morning by peeing in the hallway by the shut door.

Fast forward to today. Katie wasn't bothering too much with the corner. A few "Uht Uhts" in her direction were enough to keep her at bay. So when I got into the tub I didn't even think twice about closing the door. A half hour later, I'm dressed and searching for my brush to tackle the now wet and knotted mane on my head. I walk into my office (This is where the brush was last seen.) and a gasp escaped my lips. I stood in total shock for a moment before yelling, "Katie!" followed by an "OH MY GAWD!" and a "You get out of here!" while pointing towards the door. Katie did the right thing, dropping her head while instinctively tucking her tail and ears as she slunk out of the office.

Please take a gander at the following photograph to share a little in the joy of what lay before me:

Ready?

Tis the Season

I started my Christmas shopping early. I'm bound and determined to get everything purchased, wrapped and sent so that I don't have to pay next day air fees on everything I have to ship out of state this year. That's one of the downfalls about living away from your family. Shipping charges. Hey shouldn't that be figured into the over all gift? "Look! I obviously love you or I wouldn't have spent $20.00 to get this package to you on time!" I'm just saying!

Harddrive Shmarddrive

I've installed SATA hard drives before, but never had one of my own (my computer being the last thing to get fixed and/or upgraded). Things have been humming along with work and I'm thinking that I'll be able to get cauht up. But what's this? My computer decided to turn itself off and then not restart on Friday. After spending all day Saturday trying to figure out what was going on, it seem that my other hard drive has gone bad. Now considering my SATA hard drive is my master hard drive it should have started just fine. So, after unplugging my secondary hard drive I'm humming along just fine again. Weird...

Another Season of This...

Every year I get excited for the new football season and hoping against hope that my Browns might do SOMETHING impressive. First game of the season... Lots of turnovers... Another lost game. *Sigh*

The Bug Whisperer... Or not!

I've been battling fire ants both in and outside of my home. Apparently, due to the unusually warm and dry climes this year, the fire ant population has exploded (Most of them in my yard). After being badly bitten while weeding I decided to be proactive (Two bites caused a large swelling on my arm that lasted for three days and itching that continued for two weeks - and bites on my back and left breast - Crap if I know how they found their way there!) Not being a fan of poisons and their results on amphibious life. (Or the potential hazards to my dog.) I was avoiding this option. But reaching the end of my proverbial rope, I was out of options. After talking myself into using the spreader to treat the entire lawn I come to find swarms of birds in my yard. Upon further inspection I see little inch worms all over the place.

New delimma. If I put the poison down while the birds are feeding on the worms, am I going to wipe out the local bird population? And are the inchworms bad for the lawn? So my next plan of attack - get on line and research the damn worms and the effects of this type of poison on birds (Because this is what ya do). It seems the inchworms are not in any way harmful to my lawn and yes, the poison will probably kill the birds. Damnit! So after a few days - once the birds had moved on to other feeding grounds, I spot treated the lawn. Once this chore was completed I took to straighten up the yard. I pick up the pool cover, which had been errantly cast on the lawn only to find that ants had also decided to move in here. Four new bites... *Sigh*

But wait, we're not done. Today I leaned over while putting away my hoover and immediately felt a sharp pain in my right breast. I jumped up and started yanking at my shirt. No, not a fire ant this time… A wasp! (Let it be known that I'm allergic to bee stings). In response to almost being squashed while I leaned over, it decided to fight back!

I'm avoiding bugs of any kind at the moment!

Computers, computers, computers

I finally got that motherboard and processor my brother sent me. I finally upgraded my computer - While not a huge upgrade, a little faster processor, a hell of a lot better graphics card, lots and lots of RAM and a new SATA hard drive. I've decided that this time I'm going to set it up perfectly so that there are not any of those little annoyances (Everyone has these - something goes wonky on your machine and instead of fixing it, you deal, or find a work around and vow to deal with it when you have more time. In my world, more time means working on everyone else's computers before my own.) So we're up and running and humming along. Life is good for the moment. (Other than finding that a 400GB Harddrive that I had laying around is toast.)

My Theme Song - Thanks to Cristy for this one!

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

What's Your Theme Song?

Stupid Human Tricks

Do not...I repeat do NOT attempt to mow your lawn when it's got at least a month's growth on you (Thanks to lots of rain and a vacation) all in one day, during the hottest hours of the day, when it's 88 degrees and sunny. I don't think I've ever sweat so much in my entire life. Thank god for the kiddie pool! I think it prevented heatstroke and a total meltdown.

Gay Friendly Fayetteville

You've may have already seen a previous post where I explained how I had seen the local little theater rendition of Rocky Horror Picture Show a few months back, and how I was pretty sure that the role of Frankenfurter was played by a gay local hairdresser. Well, the other night I went out to a favorite local tapas/sandwich place where the staff is always pleasant (So much so that my partner-in-crime at said restaurant claimed that one of the waiters had a thing for me. I protested on account of my certainty that the man is gay). So guess who was behind the counter making the yummies? Yup, none other than Frankenfurter. Anyway, after making our way into our second bottle of wine and noshing on salmon, hummus and other goodies, the gay waiter approached us with an invitation to a new local bar. Surprise! "It's a gay bar" he said, but defended that it was "About 50/50 gay and straight". Out of curiosity, and after having a few drinks at our favorite watering hole, we wound up at the club. Seems you have to have a membership but we insisted that "Mario" would vouch for us. We walked into the club and upon seeing us Mario happily exclaims "You showed!" A little later we were also treated with his shriek "Ahhh, straight people!" Mostly in response to the fact that we were the only straight people in the club that evening. But hey, the dancing was great, and the company was fun. I'm now a member at the only gay club I know of in Fayetteville.